This place is worse than a fan who doesn't understand the show's over. [He sighs so dramatically that it has to be fake, that it can't be intended to be anything other than fake.]

Then proud ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to do your humble bidding. What can I do for your majesties tonight? Would you like a tour of my modest abone? Pray thee, what is it you seek? [Nonetheless, his pronunciation is good, clear. Soon, however, it's dropped.]

Or you could just go away and let me read.