adddictions | (no subject)

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THE THESE ARE MY CONFESSIONS MEME

Does your character have a deep dark secret that they don't want out? Well, too bad. Something has just forced your characters to reveal their inner most secrets, true identities and even elements of their own past that they've tried to forget. What shouldn't be known is suddenly known. What shouldn't be said is suddenly exclaimed.

Not canon unless both parties agree!

No one can lie in a thread, you lack the capacity to. All confessions are truthful and sincere. It's uncontrollable what you say to a person.

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Would there be anything for it to find? You've never struck me as the type who keeps much, if anything, hidden.

Don't pity me, Gavin. I don't want it, nor do I deserve it. My burdens are no one's fault but my own.

Well...I have my secret of secrets, yeah. Everyone has something they don't want others to know about themselves.

It's not pity...it's just...well...I'm a natural lover of people, but I like you in particular...so knowing you despise yourself, it strikes a chord. That's all.

Point. Though I've known a few people in my time who are exceptions to the rule, people who seem as honest with others as they are with themselves. At least, I want to believe that they are.

...I've sent men to their deaths for entirely selfish reasons. If I didn't despise myself, I wouldn't be at all worthy of being...liked.

The only genuinely honest person I can think of would be Herr Justice, I almost envy his infallible honesty. Ah, and Herr Wright.

What selfish reasons?

I'm not sure Herr Wright knows how to lie, as evidenced by the ineffectiveness of his courtroom bluffs. I can't envy the vulnerability that comes with that sort of honesty, but a life without the burden of secrets and the fear of exposure... I...can't imagine how that must feel.

Vengeance. Ego. Self-flagellation--misdirected, obviously. All of them base motives, all carrying an edge of pettiness, and none of them valid excuses for doing what I did.

I don't know him as well as you do, I was only ever opposite of him in the courtroom once and I won't forget it. Looking back on it I think he was everything I expected him to be, even when I thought I was better.

Mistakes. I understand...I don't know everything, but I know as an attorney I've made some too. At least you don't quit.

Hm. He was...so much more than I expected him to be, especially when I thought I was better. Wright may be incapable of being anyone but himself, but his strength is deceptive. He's a remarkable individual.

I don't know how to quit. Not anymore.

When a mistake costs men their lives, it can't be dismissed as a mistake any longer. I abused my position, and now I live with the consequences. I continue my work because it's work that needs to be done...and because I have many sins to atone for.

This is true, which is why I regret hurting him...ah I think that is a stain in my life I will never be able to wash away.

So you've locked your heart away. Is it because you're afraid that if you get close to someone they'll think you're despicable, or is it because you feel like you don't deserve love?

Perhaps not. But knowing Wright, he probably thinks that you already have.

I don't deserve it, but that's beyond the point. I've never looked for love. I wouldn't be interested in pursuing it now, even if I hadn't found it in a place that was out of reach.

Probably, if he'd let me apologize he'd know that I haven't. Though I guess he knows how difficult that would be.

Ah, well there's no winning against you. Still, you know that you're capable of love, I think that's...healthy. Well maybe that's not the right word, I think brave works better.

Wright's perspective on blame and forgiveness is...skewed at best. I've tried many times to convince him of my guilt; so far I've been unsuccessful.

...'Brave?' There's no bravery in this.

Guess there's no winning against him either. I can't believe I've been so hopelessly outclassed.

Ah...who was it that said a coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave? Gandhi I think and I agree with him. You said you're capable so my conclusion is that you're brave.

Fortunately for the both of us, there's no shame in being outclassed by the best.

Your logic is sound, but you've misinterpreted one crucial piece of evidence. I said I was capable of being in love. I never said I was capable of exhibiting it. Otherwise this wouldn't have been a secret. A coward may fall in love as easily as a brave man, but fear of rejection will keep him from doing anything more than want from afar.

Of course, in my case it's not rejection I fear. I'm fully aware that that would be the end result, and I accept it. It's the other consequences I fear.

I suppose...but it's hard to accept, I'm competitive by nature.

Semantics. If a person is capable of being in love then a person is capable of exhibiting love. I don't think love has to be one of those outward exhibitions either, if that's the case then I'm in love frequently. A meeting of the minds, caressing of the souls. I imagine it's a point of view...besides there are different kinds of love and different ways of expressing it.

Ach weh, the prophet's dilemma. I guess the other person would just have to have a will stronger than your own. But what consequences?

A competitive nature will only serve a man so far. It's one of the most difficult lessons I've had to learn, but knowing when to step back can be necessary to attaining one's goals.

I don't have to be a prophet to know that a man who doesn't share my proclivities won't be open to a romantic relationship.

The potential ruination of the relationship we do have, which means much more to me than the frills and trappings of a romantic relationship ever could, and the risk of hurting him. Where I'm concerned his...priorities seem unbalanced. With all that he's done for me, it's not out of the realm of possibility to think he could throw himself into a miserable situation for my benefit.

I suppose, but stepping back has never been one of my stronger traits.

If you mean sexual preferences then I'll admit that's a bit problematic.

So you'd rather keep him as a friend than to have him as a lover...if I'm not misinterpreting what you're saying. That's...mmmm...well I'm not obnoxiously romantic, but that's kind of sweet.

Ah...but what about other potential relationships, if you were the looking type, would you still have the same foreboding outlook? I mean, this is just supposing you found someone else you liked just as much, but they shared the same proclivities.

That doesn't surprise me. Perhaps it's a trait you should work on strengthening.

It would be problematic, if that sort of relationship was what I was after. As it stands, it actually makes things...easier.

I'd say it's more pragmatic than 'sweet'. A romantic relationship is not a possibility to begin with, and nothing could mean as much to me as his friendship. There's no sense in pining over something that's completely out of reach, particularly when what you already have is superior to it.

Finding someone I liked just as much isn't possible. But for the sake of argument, in that unlikely scenario I'd make the same choice. I'm not a lover, Gavin. I already have all the emotional support I might ever need, and I tend to my body's needs on my own schedule. There's nothing a romantic relationship could give me that isn't already at my disposal. And if there was...

I'm simply not meant for love.

Hmmm...I don't know not stepping back or standing down, I don't see these things as a weakness.

Ah, alright, alright I give for now. I'm exceptionally curious today, but I guess it can't be helped. I don't want to upset you or take this into uncivil territory I just can't help getting a little carried away when it's you.

I guess I should tell you some of my secrets, after spilling yours it seems fair.

In certain situations, it can be. There are times when bullheaded determination isn't what's needed.

Gavin, I find it hard to imagine a day where you aren't exceptionally curious. I'm curious as to why I seem to elicit that response more than most, but I...appreciate this gesture of leniency.

The community is responsible for this, not you. I won't ask you to share any information you want to remain hidden.

However, if you'd like to unburden yourself, I'd be willing to listen.

I guess I can't help it, wild horses couldn't stop my bullheadedness.

You're interesting, naturally, but I'm a generous guy.

True, but the community has no control over how curious I allow myself to get, not in this case anyway. Plus you seem like the type who could keep a secret.

Ah, so what will it be...well this one won't surprise you. You know how they say overconfident people can be very insecure, that's me. My inferiority doesn't really show, but then I guess a person would have to be really observant to notice it.

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