(no subject)

[attorneyatlol]

Sooo... ever heard of the Drabble-Matic? It's basically a mad-lib that writes you a horribly cliche fanfic of whatever pairing you desire.

Do it. 8)

Comments

Phoenix/Edgeworth

[attorneyatlol]

A Flaming Occurrence

Phoenix paced up and down, jiggling his dick. His very good friend, Mary Sue Pencil, had arranged to meet him here in court. "I have something passionate to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Pencil was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Phoenix expected to see her bounce up, her stubborn hair streaming behind her and her professional eyes aglow.

Phoenix heard footsteps, but they seemed rather manly for a delicate and flamboyant girl like Mary Sue Pencil, whose tread was gay. He turned around and found Edgeworth staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Edgeworth said quickly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Phoenix had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so calmly. "Mary Sue Pencil asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Edgeworth, his foot began to throb passionately.

"Oh," Edgeworth said, happily. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Phoenix said and caught Edgeworth by his finger. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Edgeworth said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like two, gay lawyers shitting rainbows in a cup.

From behind a desk, Mary Sue Pencil watched with a sparkly light in her persistent eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Phoenix/Edgeworth". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the tiger from extinction.

[pandorabox]

... Mary Sue Pencil.

This is the best discovery ever 8|

[maraich]

Phoenix paced up and down, jiggling his dick.

They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like two, gay lawyers shitting rainbows in a cup.

My favorite parts.

Re: Phoenix/Edgeworth

[h4ck3r-61rl.livejournal.com]

Phoenix paced up and down, jiggling his dick.

I got that far before I convulsed in laughter XD

Kaito/Aoko [HAHAHA]

[pandorabox]

To Smoothly Hug

Kaito and Aoko were celebrating a blue Valentine's Day together. Kaito had cooked a dotted dinner and they ate in a closet by candlelight.

"My darling," Aoko said, stroking Kaito's nose, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Kaito. "It is but a dark token of my cheesy love."

Kaito opened the box. Inside was a purple card gun! He gazed at it crankily. Then he gazed at Aoko crankily. "It's stunning," Kaito said. "Come here and let me hug you."

Just then, a fluorescent crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like the swirling pinks, reds and golds that paint the sky during a setting sun. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a rough voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Aoko read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other slowly as the crone cackled some more. Kaito's face began to tremble. Then Aoko shrugged, pulled out a mop, and hit the crone on her ear. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Kaito said and kissed Aoko cheerily. "This is a smooth Valentine's Day!"

They angrily burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they hugged each other all night long.

Another Kaito/Aoko with the same words 'cause I'm lazy

[pandorabox]

I Saw Aoko Kissing Santa Claus

Kaito woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one blue box that looked like a monocle.

Then Kaito noticed that Aoko was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.

Kaito thought that he would surprise Aoko. Maybe even sneak up behind her and hug her on her rough nose. That always made Aoko dotted.

Kaito crept cheerily down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its stunning lights, and the presents, heaped up crankily, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Aoko. Kissing someone.

Kaito was so angry, he picked up a card gun from a table and threw it slowly in a closet.

They both looked around.

"Aoko, you flourescent cow!" Kaito yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Kaito looked and then rubbed his ear and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Aoko said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a purple kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Kaito said angrily. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be cheesy."

That seemed reasonable. Kaito went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like the swirling pinks, reds and golds that paint the sky during a setting sun. He made Kaito's face feel all smooth.

"You see?" Aoko said smoothly and Kaito saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

Xanxus-mun should be able to guess why I put in some of these

[maraich]

My drabble confuses me.

The Battle For The Head Of Lettuce

At the restaurant, Maraich smacked his head of lettuce. He had been busy with the head of lettuce for hours and now wanted nothing more than a soft cuddle or an impulsive massage from his lover Xanxus.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his luxurious Xanxus appeared at the door, grinning lustfully.

"Put down the head of lettuce," Xanxus said tenderly. "Unless you want me to caress that head of lettuce on your shoulder."

Maraich put down the head of lettuce. He was silky. He had never seen Xanxus so arrogant before and it made him featherlike.

Xanxus picked up the head of lettuce, then withdrew a chair from his ear. "Don't be so silky," Xanxus said with an arrogant grimace. "A cat bit my toe this morning, and everything became beautiful. Now with this head of lettuce and this chair I can tenderly rule the world!"

Maraich clutched his bewitching toe hungrily. This was his lover, his luxurious Xanxus, now staring at him with an arrogant ear.

"Fight it!" Maraich shouted. "The cat just wants the head of lettuce for his own luxurious devices! He doesn't love you, not the soft way I do!"

Maraich could see Xanxus trembling hungrily. Maraich reached out his shoulder and touched Xanxus's ear tenderly. He was luxurious, so luxurious, but he knew only his bewitching love for Xanxus would break the cat's spell.

Sure enough, Xanxus dropped the head of lettuce with a thunk. "Oh, Maraich," he squealed. "I'm so soft, can you ever forgive me?"

But Maraich had already moved at the restaurant. Like a flea on a dog, he pressed his shoulder into Xanxus's ear. And as they fell together in a beautiful fit of love, the head of lettuce lay on the floor, featherlike and forgotten.

[ridethetiger]

Dammit my spell was broken B|

Phoenix/Angie

[attorneyatlol]

A Dreary Day To Object

Phoenix stepped bravely out into the beautiful sunshine, and admired Angie's chin. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a bright sight."

Angie climbed off the desk and walked loudly across the grass to greet her lover. Phoenix patted Angie on the knee and then tried to object her happily, but without success.

"That's all right," Angie said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not ambiguous," Phoenix. "Not as ambiguous as the time we objected in the hospital."

Angie nodded awkwardly. "We were passionate back in those days."

"Our fingers were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Phoenix said. "Everything seems graceful and lovely when you're young."

"Of course," Angie said. "But now we're small, we can still have fun. If we go about it quietly."

"Quietly?" Phoenix said . "But how?"

"With this," Angie said and held out a sparkly attorney's badge. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to object."

Phoenix swallowed the attorney's badge at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to object quietly. They objected like a turnip that just fell off the turnip truck. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

[maraich]

...What an odd way to describe sex.

Phoenix/Maraich

[attorneyatlol]

Long Love

Phoenix finished packing. Ever since Maraich, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Phoenix had been hard.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing threw him, all was smart. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in a tree to become a sneaky rattle.

Just then, there was a simple knock at the door. Phoenix opened it and stood there sexily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his nipple.

When Phoenix came to, Maraich was holding his nose and looking guilty. "My love," Maraich said huskily, "I'm sorry for the stubborn shock. I've been shipwrecked on a quiet island for the last ten years, living like an ice cream cone that melts on your hand. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my peener in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Phoenix could hardly believe his Maraich had returned. "I will always love you, peener or no peener. Besides, you can cover it up with a spoon."

They embraced gayly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was silly.

[maraich]

My peener is fine.

Phoenix/Tyki o-omg... XD;;; I'M SERIOUSLY GOING TO BED NOW

[attorneyatlol]

To Dangerously Fuck

Phoenix and Tyki were celebrating an amazing Valentine's Day together. Phoenix had cooked a fabulous dinner and they ate in the closet by candlelight.

"My darling," Tyki said, stroking Phoenix's finger, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Phoenix. "It is but a violent token of my silly love."

Phoenix opened the box. Inside was a wet tease! He gazed at it smugly. Then he gazed at Tyki smugly. "It's small," Phoenix said. "Come here and let me fuck you."

Just then, a cracktacular crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like the scent of fresh lemons. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a shiny voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Tyki read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other quietly as the crone cackled some more. Phoenix's tongue began to tremble. Then Tyki shrugged, pulled out a cock ring, and hit the crone on her shoulder. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Phoenix said and kissed Tyki slinkily. "This is a manipulative Valentine's Day!"

They sweetly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they fucked each other all night long.

[maraich]

It looks like everyone posted some version of this one.

Feldt/Mori for the lulz 8|;;;

[mybffharo.livejournal.com]

The Sheep Prince

Feldt was walking through a shiny meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a short little sheep lying under a tree.

Feldt skipped over to see the dear thing and was curly to find that he was hurt! A door had pierced his pink little hand and he whimpered carefully with the pain.

"My bright little friend," Feldt said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the door, as gently as she could. The sheep cried out and Feldt's heart ached, like an eagle soaring through the sky. "You'll be all right," Feldt whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Mori and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Mori up in her arms, Feldt carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Feldt nursed Mori, cleaning his hand and feeding him Computer-brand sheep chow.

On the eighth night, Mori climbed into bed with Feldt. He burrowed under the covers and quietly kissed Feldt's back. It made Feldt giggle and she cuddled close to Mori, stroking his neck and singing dreamily to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Feldt hurried home so she could curl up with Mori. It gave her a clear feeling whenever Mori kissed her back.

Then one night, Mori looked up at Feldt and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a smooth prince."

Feldt screamed modestly, she was so surprised. How could a sheep talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Mori said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Feldt said and kissed Mori on his neck. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a smooth prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Mori," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Feldt said.

"See?" Mori said and showed Feldt the scar from the door on his hand. Then he kissed Feldt and they tumbled beside a desk and did a lot of very bright things, some of them involving a rough couch.

"I love you," Mori said when they were done. Feldt clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Mori had stashed away.

And if Mori didn't know about Feldt's visits to the sheep sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.

Rebecca/Birkin, for Latte~ IDEK, srsly.

[missdoitherself.livejournal.com]

I'm Dreaming Of A Silky Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Rebecca sat forcefully on a boat, sipping unkempt eggnog.

She looked at the dazzling G-Virus hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Birkin had hung it there, just before they looked at each other thoughtfully and then fell into each other's arms and slapped each other's hand.

If only I hadn't been so mellow, Rebecca thought, pouring a shifty amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Birkin might not have got so disheveled and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a scintillating tear and held her ankle in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a raunchy voice lifted rudely up in song.


I'm dreaming of a silky Christmas

Just like a sudden ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds


Rebecca ran to the door. It was Birkin, looking limpid all over with snow.

"I missed you angrily," Birkin said. "And I wanted to slap your hand again."

Rebecca hugged Birkin and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Birkin said.

"I think so too," Rebecca said and they slapped each other's hand until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted Hunter elbow and lived politely until Rebecca got drunk again.

Re: Rebecca/Birkin, for Latte~ IDEK, srsly.

[vanessa19white.livejournal.com]

WHAT. WHAT IS THIS. SLAPPING HANDS WHAT.

Rebecca/Rock, for Lii~

[missdoitherself.livejournal.com]

Thoughtfully Tripping

Rebecca tripped along rudely. She was on her way to meet her lover, Rock, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a kitten hopping along, carrying a shotglass in its mouth.

Rebecca was almost on an intergalactic spaceship when she came across a fluffy cake, lying alone on a cold plate. "That must be a treat from my dusty bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked loud, so she ate it.

It gave her the most bright tingling sensation in her spine. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Rock.

When Rock came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Rebecca cried roughly.

"Your wrist! And your neck!" Rock said. "They're late! Can't you feel it?"

Rebecca felt her wrist and her neck. They were indeed quite late. "Oh, no!" Rebecca said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that fluffy cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Rock said. "I got you a book. It must have been that vivid man who lives nearby. He acts a little dazzlingly, ever since he hugged a demon."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Rebecca sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Rock said tenderly, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your wrist is really soft like that."

"Really?" Rebecca dried his tears. Rebecca kissed Rock and it was an entirely wet sensation, like a unicorn prancing gaily through a mist of dewdrops on a summer morn'.

They spent the night having entirely wet sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

Another Rebecca/Rock with the same words, because I couldn't resist.

[missdoitherself.livejournal.com]

The Dusty Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Rebecca strode along the path, making for Soft Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Wet Book, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Neck.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her vivid demon just in time to face the late man who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.

The man struck rudely, and Rebecca barely raised her demon to meet the attack. They fought long and dazzlingly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Rebecca found herself forced to one knee, the man's demon pressed to her bright spine. "I am Rock of Soft Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Wet Book. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on an intergalactic spaceship."

But Rebecca had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her demon with a twist, overpowered Rock and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Rebecca said, looking down upon him.

Rock's wrist shimmered like a unicorn prancing gaily through a mist of dewdrops on a summer morn'. "I have underestimated you, Rebecca. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Rebecca's desire was enflamed. Her spine throbbed and all her thoughts were to hug Rock like a kitten. Rebecca caressed Rock's cold wrist and he responded. They came together tenderly, and their joining was as fluffy as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet shotglass!" Rebecca groaned and hugged Rock as thoughtfully as she could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Rebecca said. "That's where I put the Wet Book for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed roughly on the grass, forgetful of all but their loud love. "We will stay together forever," Rock said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Neck never got the Wet Book and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

Issei/Haruto:The Miracle of the Cat

[stripping.livejournal.com]

Issei hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like some kind of fabulous party with fabulous food. He loathed it.

Every December, Issei would feel himself getting all cute inside. He refused to put up a Christmas chair, he snapped at anyone shy enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Issei had to go to the mall to buy a skittish bug. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing loudly around and so much Christmas music blaring quickly, he thought his nose would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was an intelligent man collecting for charity. Issei never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the intelligent man dropped his bells and ran with a cookie. There was a rosy cat right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the intelligent man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Issei rushed out and harmoniously pushed them both out of the way. There was a small bang and then everything went dark.

When Issei woke up, he was in a dirty room. There was a Christmas chair in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Issei's leg hurt. A lot.

The intelligent man came into the room. "I'm so respectable!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Haruto. You saved me from the truck. But your leg is broken."

Issei hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas chair up and his leg was broken, he felt quite religious, especially when he looked at Haruto.

"Your leg must hurt dexterously," Haruto said. "I think this will help." And he laughed Issei several times.

Now Issei felt very religious indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Haruto. "I love you," he said, and kissed Haruto nervously.

"I love you too," said Haruto. Just then, the cat ran into the room and nuzzled Issei's hand. "I brought him home with us," Haruto said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Issei said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

I-I swear, I didn't know what was coming when I picked religious. And apparently it's wrong for Buddhists to not be that into Christmas.

THIS IS SO TRUE OMG

[vanessa19white.livejournal.com]

The Unkempt Stranger



The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Vanessa strode along the path, making for Naughty Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Flashing Tyrant, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Lovemouth.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her bad virus just in time to face the dirty man who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.

The man struck slowly, and Vanessa barely raised her virus to meet the attack. They fought long and unfairly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Vanessa found herself forced to one knee, the man's virus pressed to her nasty wrist. "I am William of Naughty Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Flashing Tyrant. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on the down low."

But Vanessa had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her virus with a twist, overpowered William and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Vanessa said, looking down upon him.

William's ankle shimmered like the earth was inside her. "I have underestimated you, Vanessa. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Vanessa's desire was enflamed. Her wrist throbbed and all her thoughts were to punch William like a bird. Vanessa caressed William's unfortunate ankle and he responded. They came together painfully, and their joining was as stained as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet pteradactyl!" Vanessa groaned and punched William as gently as she could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Vanessa said. "That's where I put the Flashing Tyrant for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed remorselessly on the grass, forgetful of all but their good love. "We will stay together forever," William said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Lovemouth never got the Flashing Tyrant and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

[attorneyatlol]

Something about William's 'unfortunate ankle' makes me lol... XD;;

Karen/Minako, because why not

[oceanicbutterfly]

A Monster Of The Week In Time

On a rapid and heroic morning, Karen sat with the power of hope and the light of the future. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her navel ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Minako to love someone with an intelligent finger?

Fruitlessly, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like an addictive evil power of friendship, all on a summer's day. I wish my Minako would tickle me, in her own extradimensional way..."

"Do you?" Minako sat down beside Karen and put her hand on Karen's eyebrow. "I think that could be arranged."

Karen gasped generously. "But what about my intelligent finger?"

"I like it," Minako said perfectly. "I think it's flavorful."

They came together and their kiss was like a metaphor that's been extended so far that it doesn't make sense anymore.

"I love you," Karen said accidentally.

"I love you too," Minako replied and tickled her.

They bought a butterfly, moved in together, and lived amusingly ever after.

Karen/Azula, far too close to making sense

[oceanicbutterfly]

The Battle For The Comb

In the middle of nowhere, Karen annoyed her comb. She had been busy with the comb for hours and now wanted nothing more than an excessive cuddle or an official massage from her lover Azula.

She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her insane Azula appeared at the door, grinning poorly.

"Put down the comb," Azula said incidentally. "Unless you want me to annoy that comb on your waist."

Karen put down the comb. She was contagious. She had never seen Azula so superior before and it made her blue.

Azula picked up the comb, then withdrew a violin from her forehead. "Don't be so contagious," Azula said with a superior grimace. "A horse bit my tooth this morning, and everything became arrogant. Now with this comb and this violin I can incidentally rule the world!"

Karen clutched her lonely tooth adequately. This was her lover, her insane Azula, now staring at her with a superior forehead.

"Fight it!" Karen shouted. "The horse just wants the comb for his own insane devices! He doesn't love you, not the excessive way I do!"

Karen could see Azula trembling adequately. Karen reached out her waist and touched Azula's forehead incidentally. She was insane, so insane, but she knew only her lonely love for Azula would break the horse's spell.

Sure enough, Azula dropped the comb with a thunk. "Oh, Karen," she squealed. "I'm so excessive, can you ever forgive me?"

But Karen had already moved in the middle of nowhere. Like Rod Serling's narration at the end of an episode of The Twilight Zone, she pressed her waist into Azula's forehead. And as they fell together in an arrogant fit of love, the comb lay on the floor, blue and forgotten.

... The comb is a metaphor for something, I just know it

[peoplesprincess.livejournal.com]

That was AMAZING. SO IC. *publishes to fanfiction.net*

I AM SO SORRY I HAD TO PHOENIX/VANESSA...yes a wenis is a real bodypart :|

[vanessa19white.livejournal.com]

1000 Compassion Chinchillas

Phoenix paced pervertedly back and forth. Naked dread filled his heart. Vanessa should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my pornographic love, Phoenix thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Vanessa had been taken hostage by Disrupted Wenis, a supervillain who had the city in a state of dismayed terror. Phoenix fainted dead away, like Zeus as a bull.

When he came to, there was a bump on his clavicle and the naked dread had returned. "Vanessa, my pantsless honey bunny," he cried out sexually. "What is Disrupted Wenis doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing knowingly as he disrupted her in the vagina.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Phoenix remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 compassion chinchillas, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Phoenix ordered in a supply of compassion and set to work, folding chinchillas until his clavicle was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last chinchilla when Vanessa walked in the front door.

"Vanessa!" Phoenix screamed and threw himself into Vanessa's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 compassion chinchillas and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing of beauty and love. He kissed Vanessa unwittingly on the vagina.

"Actually," Vanessa said, pulling away disgustingly, "I was rescued by the Whiny Venus. He's a new superhero in town." Vanessa sighed. "And he's really trusting."

The naked dread came back. "But you're disturbing to be back here with me, right?"

Vanessa checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Whiny Venus for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay torn, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.

Phoenix choked back a sob and started folding another chinchilla. Then he went out and got drunk instead.

[attorneyatlol]

Oh, my pornographic love, Phoenix thought.

Probably torturing her, laughing knowingly as he disrupted her in the vagina.

lmao, oh lord... XD

Nessa/Cellulite :|

[vanessa19white.livejournal.com]

The Adventure Of The Blowfish

Vanessa and Excella were out for a safe Valentine's walk on a boat mother fucker. As they went, Excella rested her hand on Vanessa's waist. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so comforting, Vanessa was filled with disturbing dread.

"Do you suppose it's tenacious here?" she asked ignorantly.

"You happy silly," Excella said, tickling Vanessa with her time. "It's completely excellent."

Just then, a wondrous blowfish leapt out from behind a torture and mocked Excella in the neck. "Aaargh!" Excella screamed.

Things looked tender. But Vanessa, although she was evil, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed an eggplant and, like a mermaid caught in a net, beat the blowfish presently until it ran off. "That will teach you to mock innocent people."

Then she clasped Excella close. Excella was bleeding judgementally. "My darling," Vanessa said, and pressed her lips to Excella's breasts.

"I love you," Excella said sensually, and expired in Vanessa's arms.

Vanessa never loved again.

brb dying

[someonesuitable.livejournal.com]

Wesker/Excella, Gleefully Tripping, looollsldfll

[someonesuitable.livejournal.com]

Gleefully Tripping

Excella tripped along reluctantly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Wesker, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a porcupine hopping along, carrying a leopard in its mouth.

Excella was almost under a bridge when she came across a wet cake, lying alone on a leech-covered plate. "That must be a treat from my disdainful bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked scaly, so she ate it.

It gave her the most tentacle-y tingling sensation in her knee. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Wesker.

When Wesker came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Excella cried angrily.

"Your eye! And your hunk o' burnin' love!" Wesker said. "They're lovely! Can't you feel it?"

Excella felt her eye and her hunk o' burnin' love. They were indeed quite lovely. "Oh, no!" Excella said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that wet cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Wesker said. "I got you a thumbnail. It must have been that seeping man who lives nearby. He acts a little snobbily, ever since he chortled a mountaintop."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Excella sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Wesker said beautifully, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your eye is really gross like that."

"Really?" Excella dried his tears. Excella kissed Wesker and it was an entirely cornflower blue sensation, like the sensuous edges of a barbed wire fence.

They spent the night having entirely cornflower blue sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

Re: Wesker/Excella, Gleefully Tripping, looollsldfll

[visestvita.livejournal.com]

............EXCELLA YOU SILLY THING, YOU DON'T KISS PEOPLE WHEN THEY SAY YOUR EYE IS GROSS.

Cellulite/Loch Ness, The Broken Stranger

[someonesuitable.livejournal.com]

... the egg really makes this.

The Broken Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Excella strode along the path, making for Slimy Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Soft Spiky egg, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Throat.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her shiny orchard just in time to face the wet woman who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.

The woman struck cheerfully, and Excella barely raised her orchard to meet the attack. They fought long and lightly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Excella found herself forced to one knee, the woman's orchard pressed to her flaky left breast. "I am Vanessa of Slimy Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Soft Spiky egg. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you atop a playground slide."

But Excella had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her orchard with a twist, overpowered Vanessa and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Excella said, looking down upon her.

Vanessa's toe shimmered like the air that soars o'er the ruffled wings of doves. "I have underestimated you, Excella. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Excella's desire was enflamed. Her left breast throbbed and all her thoughts were to giggle Vanessa like an octopus. Excella caressed Vanessa's rotting toe and she responded. They came together huskily, and their joining was as ragged as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet whip!" Excella groaned and giggled Vanessa as sadly as she could.

"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Excella said. "That's where I put the Soft Spiky egg for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed quickly on the grass, forgetful of all but their deadish love. "We will stay together forever," Vanessa said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Throat never got the Soft Spiky egg and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

FHDSKJLFASH

[vanessa19white.livejournal.com]

EXCELLENT!

WAT. AGAIN? I NEED A NEW ONE.

[vanessa19white.livejournal.com]

The Adventure Of The Beetle

Weskumdiddlydums and Nessa were out for a bulgey Valentine's walk in a test tube. As they went, Nessa rested her hand on Weskumdiddlydums's dick. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so miscalculated, Weskumdiddlydums was filled with pornographic dread.

"Do you suppose it's tied here?" he asked bulgingly.

"You bound silly," Nessa said, tickling Weskumdiddlydums with her Bjork. "It's completely crossed."

Just then, a brilliant beetle leapt out from behind a bulge and bulged Nessa in the cock. "Aaargh!" Nessa screamed.

Things looked punished. But Weskumdiddlydums, although he was tortured, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a marmoset and, like a Tyrant with titties, beat the beetle dryly until it ran off. "That will teach you to bulge innocent people."

Then he clasped Nessa close. Nessa was bleeding trustingly. "My darling," Weskumdiddlydums said, and pressed his lips to Nessa's titties.

"I love you," Nessa said painfully, and expired in Weskumdiddlydums's arms.

Weskumdiddlydums never loved again.

WESKER/NESSA/SANTA FUCK YEAH

[vanessa19white.livejournal.com]

I Saw Nessa Kissing Santa Claus

Weskumdiddlydums woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one miscalculated box that looked like a Bjork.

Then Weskumdiddlydums noticed that Nessa was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.

Weskumdiddlydums thought that he would surprise Nessa. Maybe even sneak up behind her and bulge her on her bound dick. That always made Nessa punished.

Weskumdiddlydums crept trustingly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its pornographic lights, and the presents, heaped up deadly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Nessa. Kissing someone.

Weskumdiddlydums was so angry, he picked up a bulge from a table and threw it painfully in a test tube.

They both looked around.

"Nessa, you tied beetle!" Weskumdiddlydums yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Weskumdiddlydums looked and then rubbed his titties and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Nessa said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a brilliant kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Weskumdiddlydums said bulgingly. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be crossed."

That seemed reasonable. Weskumdiddlydums went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like a Tyrant with titties. He made Weskumdiddlydums's cock feel all tortured.

"You see?" Nessa said dryly and Weskumdiddlydums saw. So they had a threeway.

[someonesuitable.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD LIKE A TYRANT WITH TITTIES

Umi/Goku as requested by Cyn, oh god

[tealite.livejournal.com]

I'm Dreaming Of A Gay Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Hayato-ku~un sat lazily on the floor, sipping stupid eggnog.

He looked at the EXTREME ballerina hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Umi had hung it there, just before they looked at each other quickly and then fell into each other's arms and looked each other's asses.

If only I hadn't been so ~*~*~FABULOUS~*~*~, Hayato-ku~un thought, pouring a gay amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Umi might not have got so pornographic and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away an amazed tear and held his eye in his hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a stupid voice lifted painfully up in song.


I'm dreaming of a gay Christmas

Just like a Russian becoming one with everybody



Hayato-ku~un ran to the door. It was Umi, looking hollowed all over with snow.

"I missed you gayly," Umi said. "And I wanted to look at your ass again."

Hayato-ku~un hugged Umi and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Umi said.

"I think so too," Hayato-ku~un said and they looked each other's asses until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted labradoodle nose and lived methodically until Hayato-ku~un got drunk again.

--

I don't even know what that was.

oh, come off it. you know you <3 me. :>

[vanessa19white.livejournal.com]

I LAUGHED SO HARD I SOUNDED LIKE A CACKLING WITCH.


WIN WIN WIN

1944-- Heavy bombers staged the first American raid on Berlin during World War II.

[fuckthesistema.livejournal.com]

I wrote this for Badfic Friday at lolsogeographic a while ago. It was my fave >>;

--

Alfred and Ludwig

Enter Alfred

Ludwig appears above at a window

Alfred:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the cheeseburger, and Ludwig is the bear.
Arise, morose bear, and smack the angry bomb.
See, how he leans his eye upon his head!
O, that I were a glove upon that head,
That I might touch that eye!

Ludwig:
O Alfred, Alfred! wherefore art thou Alfred?
What's in a name? That which we call an arm
By any other name would smell as annoying
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like the moon and the stars when they rise over the whole earth."
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove loud.

Alfred:
Swain, by yonder angry bomb I swear
That tips in the face the gay saurkraut--

Ludwig:
O, swear not by the bomb, the jealous bomb,
That happily changes in its bright orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise bright.
Sweet, explosive night! A thousand times explosive night!
Parting is such serious sorrow,
That I shall say explosive night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Alfred:
Sleep dwell upon thine eye, peace in thy head!
Would I were sleep and peace, so angrily to rest!
gayly will I to my morose arm's cell,
Its help to smack, and my annoying arm to tell.

[uebersoldat.livejournal.com]

Oh my ribs hurt from laughing. I also now have the urge to call people morose bears.

...and the image of Ludwig in Juliet's dress burns a little.

[tyki-tock.livejournal.com]

Tyki and Edgeworth
by William Shakespeare

Enter Tyki

Edgeworth appears above at a window

Tyki:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the cock, and Edgeworth is the horse.
Arise, colourful horse, and thrust the hairy bun.
See, how he leans his cock upon his head!
O, that I were a glove upon that head,
That I might touch that cock!

Edgeworth:
O Tyki, Tyki! wherefore art thou Tyki?
What's in a name? That which we call an ass
By any other name would smell as sparkly
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a fish leaping from the ocean of love"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove scintillating.

Tyki:
Swain, by yonder hairy bun I swear
That tips on a rock the yellow rod--

Edgeworth:
O, swear not by the bun, the enormous bun,
That brightly changes in its huge orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise huge.
Sweet, hard night! A thousand times hard night!
Parting is such fleshy sorrow,
That I shall say hard night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Tyki:
Sleep dwell upon thy cock, peace in thy head!
Would I were sleep and peace, so gravelly to rest!
excitedly will I to my colourful ass's cell,
Its help to thrust, and my sparkly ass to tell.

[samuraiprosecutor]

I can't even express the joy this inspires in me.